ell here it is, the first ever Speedwell newsletter. So, what's in the name... GAPPER?

To find that out you need to visit the Speedwell Inn and buy someone a Duvel, and if you don't know who that someone is then you'll soon find out once you visit the place. What you can know is that the publication is to herald the coming of a new month. It will cover the subject of beer with a bit of humour or soft that reflects the banter you'd expect to find in any good pub.


The latest news on the beer front is that Townes Brewery have just tapped the first barrel of the latest brew from their Dead Society range of beers. It's called Barnacle Bitter and it celebrates the life of Trevor "Barnacle" Bailey , the All Rounder test cricketer and broadcaster. First reports from the MysteryBarfly is that it's spot-on and the great news is... there's a gallon of it going for grabs in the competition at the bottom of this page.


Fresh in at the Dusty Miller is a beer from the Cornish brewery... Skinners , it's called Ginger Tosser. Rumour as it that a real ginger tosser, Nasty McNasty, who frequents... no, he haunts... the Speedwell, may be paying the Dusty a visit this week.


Russ at the Albert at Woodthorpe is snuggling-up in bed with Spire Brewery and it's selling like hot cakes.


New to the real ale scene is the Hasland Hotel on Calow Back Lane, Hasland. They've got a selection of Peak Ales and Abbot Ale and when sampled by the MysteryBarfly all of them were excellent. Someone there knows what they're doing.


A few weeks back the Chesterfield Beer Festival took place at the Winding Wheel. The Chairman of the Chesterfield Branch of CAMRA , Jane Lefley, was quoted in the Derbyshire Times as saying... "People don't come here to get drunk." Well she must have been attending a different beer festival than those idiots from the Speedwell Inn. Nasty McNasty got so drunk he was crying for his live-in lover Linda. He then stayed out all night at the La Chambre swingers club in Sheffield and was last spotted

making his way up Durrant Road, Chesterfield, chuntering... "Linda, where's pox clinic gone?" Local copper PC Paul "Shooter" Point was on the early shift and was parked up doing nothing as usual but had the foresight to film McNasty which you can watch above.


Simple Simon was also out of his tree jumping up and down and hootering everywhere.


The only one that was well behaved was Tranny Andy. He was taking his Friday night a bit steady because he was off to see Chesterfield FC play the next day. Allegedly he wangled his way into the opposition supporters end and ran amock. PC Point was on football duty and caught Tranny Andy on the B2Net stadium CCTV system. Click here to get a butchers.


And finally the competition. 8 pints of beer to the winner. Everyone knows Curly the landlord of the Speedwell, well what's not generally known is that he's very materialistic and has nothing but the best of everything. Below are a few of his belongings, 8 items and the first person to list a full description of all 8 items wins the beer. Use the Contact form on the website to enter and may the best man or woman win.


Bye for now.


Previous GAPPER | Next GAPPER




MARCH 2011


Date - 25/Feb/2011


A monthly publication of humour and satire. Some articles are true and some are made up.



564 words

3 images

1 video

9 links








Become a Follower...







Visit our brewery website